birdy

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-06-08T18:39:00

2005-06-08T22:46:02Z

whooh! i finally got my computer today, after two days with hassling with the ups people because they are so shoddy but i finally got it. and what is especially nice is all i had to do was plug it in and everything was downloaded. when my family got a computer a few years ago it took them a while to download all the stuff. and i have aol free for six months. :)

so now i can get back to lj'ing 24 hours a day again and not being such a bad lj friend which i have been for the last six months or so since i haven't had a computer. :)

and i have today and tomorrow off from work. so i get to just lounge around, but i do want to find something special to do because i rarely do on my days off and last week i felt really crappy that i did nothing with the exception of trying to get to sleep which i can't for some reason. i drink cough syrup sometimes to help it though, that 10% of alcohol is really top notch i guess.

and tonight i'm dying my hair red. and maybe cutting it a smidge.

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-05-31T10:12:00

2005-05-31T14:45:03Z

i ordered a computer last thursday and just checked my email a little while ago and found out my credit card was not actually activated at the time of the purchase so i had to call my bank and get that straightened out and then the dell people, so i'm finally getting it but it sucks because i was expecting to get it today or tomorrow. crap times ten.

and i'm still in love with finally living on my own. when i first moved out it was so exciting, i couldn't even sleep because i just wanted to stay up and stuff. and it's still just really, really nice. i love going grocery shopping too. i like routine-ish type things and doing that once a week is really nice. and since my diet has changed a bit since i cook for myself now, i've lost like 11 pounds in the last five weeks. i was thin before but now i'm getting like aushwitz skinny or something.

and i really like my life at the moment. it's really weird how it's so comforting and enjoyable and hardly any stress at all. and what's also weird is that i feel like how i did when i was a little kid. there are just moments where i feel really great like how i did when i was younger and probably haven't in the last twenty years or something. i wonder if it's because of the security i have of being on my own, kind of like how you have so much security in being taken care of when your a little kid. i am probably not explaining it that well.

and i have been reading more. i read al franken's book "lying, lyars who lie and shouldn't lie but they can't help it because they lie" or whatever it's called and really loved it. i read it in a few days. and now i'm just finishing a book called "the citizen's guide to successful lobbying." it's really interesting, but a bit outdated perhaps since it was written in like 1983, pre-suburban break-dancing era. you know, that style of break-dancing in which teenagers break-dance to the theme song from footloose.

and i have a couple days off in a row starting tomorrow. i'm not sure what i'm going to do. maybe see the new star wars movie, but i doubt it. and i was thinking of maybe walking along these railroad tracks near my house. i haven't walked around the area yet near the river.

and that plane that went down on coney island like a week or two ago, what's odd, is that two of the people went to my brother's high school which only has like fifty people in it and they are from my town. one lived like a street away from me i just found out. and everyone around here is a bit annoying about it. they keep mentioning their high school because that school has some warped sense of pride about themselves. and i like to make fun of dead people and stuff but have tried to not be too insensitive about it with my younger brother, but then the other day he's like "a black guy was driving the plane" and some other crap about as if that had something to do with them wrecking, he was joking and not being too serious about it but it was still annoying so i said that if that's his attitude then they deserved to die. he just gave me a weird kind of scowly look.

and i just got done with work like three hours ago and haven't gone to bed yet.

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-05-18T14:18:00

2005-05-18T18:26:53Z

i think i'm getting a new computer in the next couple days but i've never gone computer shopping before and am a bit worried that i'll get a computer that is really, really, really crappy. i'm thinking a dell dimension 2400, mostly because it's not too expensive but i have no clue whether it's total garbage or not. :( how does someone find out whether it's a good computer or not? this one message board i used to go to, i could ask there since people would probably know, but i forgot my password and the moderator is hardly a moderator and won't respond to my requests to have my password sent to me.

in other news. i've been living on my own, finally, for about a month. my mother asked if i wanted to live in my grandfather's house. since no one is there anymore, because they need someone to be there just to watch over it and i said i would. it's really nice and big. odd since there was only one person living there. there are lots of bedrooms and i'm making one my art project room. the only bad thing is that i had some cable setup in which i had tons and tons of channels and stuff but it got cancelled or something and i really miss it. no more smurfs, snorkles, and movies. also, the house is in moundsville, redneck mecca. i can't believe i'm in moundsville. i need to get a bumper sticker for my car that says "i don't brake for rednecks." my car would get keyed so much. lol

and i also got a bicycle a couple weeks ago and i love riding it. especially at nighttime in this town.

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-04-13T15:45:00

2005-04-12T19:55:39Z

the leaves are finally coming. whoooh! it feels like spring and everything is going by too fast but that the leaves have been holding out or something.

and today i got something really, really, really, really annoying in the mail. someone that i do not know just randomly sent me a book, "the purpose driven life." that one that some news people have been making a big deal about lately. i am so annoyed that someone got my address illegally probably. and i loathe self-righteous, arrogant proselytizing. i don't know if this person knows me from somewhere, like school or something and is like "this person must obviously not have god in their life and i'm going to help them because i'm such a petty ignorant person." i get the feeling that there is something about me that makes me a target for petty proseltyzing. one time some idiot gave me some religious brochure when i was working somewhere, i was in a crappy mood and he probably thought that it could definitely help. and i would have just written "return to sender" on the package to give back that person's garbage but then he would probably just send it to someone else. i should start proselytizing that doomsday cult in which they kill themselves to naive fundamentalist religious people, at least the stupid kids who buy into that stuff. sheesh, i'm a little mean today.

and i decided that i'm going to write an autobiography on kurt scwhitters.

p.s. today i picked up a book on gloria vanderbilt.

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-04-08T14:01:00

2005-04-08T17:57:50Z

i make popsicles for a living now, lol. whooh! that job that i had was incredibly awful. working with ignorant hicks is so degrading especially when they are such scumbag people who happen to have a little authority with their job titles. also, i'm so socially challenged that that job was definitely not for me. i wasn't planning on quitting so soon or anything but i got a call after work yesterday for the popsicle place and went in for the remaining four hours of that shift to see if i would like it. it's definitely better and i get paid more too.

and when i was walking to the plant, outside reminded me of willy wonka and the chocolate factory in a way. outside were these air vents and coming out of them were the smells of popsicles. so nice. :) and we make fudge popsicles too. i don't think we can take any with us though, :(

and other than work not much has been going on. finished a book, vegetated in front of the tv after working most days. and that's about it.

and i love the new shows on nickelodeon, zoey 101, max keeble, josh and jake, and this other one that i've seen a couple times. so tweenish, especially zoey 101 but it still has fun stuff. nothing compared to like flash forward but there are some nice qualities that they have.

day 82 of brad and jennifer's breakup. :-(

2005-04-04T21:24:39Z

whooh! things are better for me now. i'm working in the building that i'm supposed to, for now on and i am getting forty hours a week and they are good hours, nine to five. i used to fantasize about having an actual nine to five job and now i have one, lol.

and my job is so easy. just hanging out with people and driving them around. i should try to get some people hooked on video games so that i could just play video games. not really, but it would be kind of neat.

and i just got done with work and i'm not totally exhausted. nice!

p.s. i just saw the greatest thing in the world a couple days ago. an old crappy camper, those yucky things that used to be big in like the eighties or something, well this one was painted orange and like the car in the dukes of hazzard. so hilarious, i have to get a picture of it. and it was in moundsville west virginia, redneck mecca. and on a sidenote. this really awful country singer who grew up in the town right next to mine, the town has at the beginning of its entrance a sign saying Glen Dale, home of brad paisley. and i just found out that the street he lived on is now called brad paisley boulevard.

"This morning, I stood with the refrigerator door open for 45 minutes, just 'cos I could." big pete

2005-04-01T21:03:55Z

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birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-04-01T15:37:00

2005-04-01T20:51:41Z

holy crap, i finally get to a computer. since starting work, i've barely had any time for anything since all i do now is work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep. today is my first day off since starting. i'm working fifty hours this week. i like my job but i'm so shy and stuff that it's a bit uncomfortable that my job is mostly to socialize with people because most of them need to learn basic communication skills but it's not too bad. i'm mostly just uncomfortable around most of the co-workers. and i'm training in one place this week before i start to actually work where i'm supposed to.

and other than working i've done nothing else really. i helped my brother move into a new place and i'm probably going to tell him that i like penis just so he'll not want to bother being around me anymore because he's so annoying. he calls me too much and goes on and on about things that happened like fifteen years ago.

i can't wait until i have enough money to get an apartment. and i have to save up first for a downpayment for a car because mine is competing with the pope as to which one will die first. it's neck and neck at this point.

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-03-25T14:50:00

2005-03-25T19:48:06Z

i've been so busy lately and too exhausted from lack of sleep. i will be working at the mental home place and i'm glad because it does sound really nice. i've had two days worth of orientation stuff and i now know how to do things like give cpr, the heimlick maneuver, and first aid. and i just found out something kind of weird. when you give cpr to someone, you will usually hear things cracking because you will most likely be breaking a couple of their ribs. but they say it's better than not performing it. weird.

also when i first went for my interview i saw this person who seemed really nice and stuff who was working there and she seemed really cute. then when i went to do my orientation stuff yesterday she was there for a short while and after the class she was standing by me and was looking at me for a long time in a weird way. i don't know why people always look at me like that. i get it a lot and it just seems like they are looking at me in a weird way or something and it's kind of creepy that they just stare at you. i don't know if it's because they want to make eye contact with you or something and maybe they wouldn't look at you so long if you would just look back at them but i always just avoid looking up at them and act like i don't notice it because it's uncomfortable but i did look at her and she smiled or something. i'm such a dork, lol. but i probably won't see her again since we work in different homes. but i'm going to get a crush on her anyway, lol. all i talk about are crushes, i'm so annoying, i know. lol

also the place i'll be working at is a rehab place so i get to work with recuperating drug-addicts. awesomeness! and i think i'll be working the midnight to 8 in the morning shift. i think it will be nice to work at that time and i wonder if i'll even really be doing anything since everyone will be sleeping.

and i had to go to my college today to get my diploma. they said they sent it in the mail a couple months ago when i called them like a month ago and finally just went there to ask them to look for it. my brother told me they said the same thing to him, that they had sent it but didn't and were too lazy to bother checking that they still had it. and at first it was nice to be on campus but then i started feeling yucky about it after i left. i think college would have been a lot better if i wasn't so shy and avoidant with people. but then there were a lot of hicks there so it wouldn't have mattered anyway, probably.

and tonight charlie brown's easter special is going to be on and i'm coloring eggs too. whooh!

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-03-21T16:39:00

2005-03-21T21:38:07Z

i don't think i can get the mental home job. car problems and i just found out that you need full coverage on your car insurance which i don't have and don't know if it's even bothering getting since my car is almost dead.

and i'm tired of talking about the job situation. but i'm too boring and don't do anything else to have anything to talk about.

and once i get a computer, i'm going to be really pathetic and get an internet girl or boyfriend, lol. there is no hope of finding anyone here and i cringe at the idea, especially since i did have that happen once and really, really, really regretted it because it ended up being the worst thing that happened in my entire life. i still cringe thinking about that situaion and of how i was so incredibly naive back then. yuck.

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-03-19T14:20:00

2005-03-19T19:12:16Z

lately i've fallen in love with shonen knife again. so perfect and nice to listen to driving around. sometimes i'll start listening to certain bands once spring or some season comes because it somehow becomes the perfect kind of music to listen to when it's a certain way outside, for some reason. "cycling is fun" is the greatest song on the planet, probably just because of the twinkling bell sounds on it.

and i had the interview for the mental homes people and then got a call to start working at one. first i have to go through orientation, which last ten hours straight tuesday and like five hours more thursday. and i had my appointment yesterday with the popsicle people. i really, really, really hope they call me before i start working in the mental home because i don't think i could do it. i don't think i could be friendly enough with people and i would have to do things like drive them around to places and amuse them on a one on one basis which isn't good because i dread going outside enough. there would just be too much stress with that job and it only pays minimum wage. i cannot work a minimum wage job becaus of all the bills i'll be paying soon. and the popsicle place does pay really well and you do get lots of pay increases over time. and i just really want to make popsicles. i should be getting a call any day to start working with the popsicle people, i just hope they call before i spend ten hours tuesday for orientation.

and i picked up a book today about simon weisenthal who is a nazi hunter and this book is about two people who convinced him to not pursue the person who treated them so horribly.

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-03-17T14:48:00

2005-03-17T19:38:32Z

i have an interview with this mental hospital place to maybe be a resident staff person. i filled out an aplication a couple days ago and they asked for references but they couldn't be from like friends or coworkers but could be like teachers they said so i wrote down three teachers from college. i hope they don't mind. and i went to fill out an application at a factory job place that didn't mention what they did exactly but the person said that you have to set up an appointment which i did for tomorrow. the good thing about it is that it's a popsicle factory and my mother knows one person who works there and it seems like it would be a really nice job. so i kind of hope i blow the hospital interview and get the popsicle factory job. the popsicle people also said that they have a lot of people quitting all the time so i probably will get a job with them very soon. and the appointment is to be like an hour and a half they said. so i guess they just give you some type of preliminary training or something. hopefully it's watching like an hour of some silly video that they made about the place. those things are so hilarious. :)

and i watched "he loves me, he loves me not" last night. a movie that audrey tautou is in that i've never heard of. and at first it seemed like it was going to be a really good movie but just ended up being okay. i dislike movies that have her in it that do not have that kind of really nice specialness that amelie had.

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-03-15T15:34:00

2005-03-15T20:34:45Z

eew, i just ran into someone from college just a minute ago. and she was with this person who works here that i'm kind of slightly curious about. but if she's friend's with that person, then she's probably one of those annoying christian kids who do not listen to anything but christian music and believe that creed is the greatest band on earth. not good.

and last night there were a whole bunch of claudette colbert movies on tcm. i saw a movie that she was in a few weeks ago and fell in love with her and never heard of her before. then saw her name mentioned in a book i was reading just recently and last night found out that she was actually a big actor during the 30's and is in lots of movies. :)

and i'm going to start jogging again. i read that going for a walk gives you almost the same amount of exercize as jogging, just 20% less but i don't believe the article i read about the benefits of walking.

and i found a great way to make like a million dollars. you know how there are like t-shirts with like an alien's face on it and with a caption that says something like "believe" or "they're out there." i thought it would be a good idea to put like an astronaut's helmet with the same type of caption on t-shirts to sell to people from other planets since we do fly around in space now and they might have seen us. but i can't get them there so it probably sounds like a lousy idea.

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-03-14T14:37:00

2005-03-14T19:44:12Z

boring, boring, boring. yesterday i went for a walk along these railroad tracks that i used to go jogging on a couple summer's ago. at first it was nice but then i started to not like it for some reason. i always think about crappy things it seems when i walk along that. or it was just that i get uncomfortable because it was in the daytime. i get uncomfortable since there are people around at that time. but it is nice walking on the rail the whole way and it's along the river and has nice scenery.

and i decided i am not moving in with my brother. i can't tolerate him because he's too annoying. i'm either going to live in my grandfather's old house or just get a crappy $200 apartment or something. and i'm getting really stressed out about how it is possible to live on your own. it's impossible it seems with how little money i'll be making. i need to start some type of commune thing to get a bunch of people to rent or buy a house or something. i'm worried about getting a little crappy shoe-box apartment. they seem so utilitarian and unpleasant.

and i got new books today. :) hunter thompson's "better than sex" and germaine greer's "the madwoman's underclothes."

this computer's keyboard thing is really loud and i'm sure i am annoying people in the library with it and this person sitting across from me keeps looking at me for some reason. :(

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-03-12T14:07:00

2005-03-12T19:19:11Z

my town has like five or six bars in it and it sucks walking around at nighttime because of drunk hicks walking home or to the bar. i have to walk through other streets or ally's to avoid running into them. i haven't gotten any crap from anyone yet but there is always a chance of someone being stupid.

and my mother and i were talking about my little sister and i mentioned that she hasn't really said a word to me in almost two years. she said she never even noticed. how would you not notice that? especially with how we used to talk and do things together all the time. she said that she is like that with others and mad at them sometimes too but not to the point of not saying a word to you for that long and for no reason other than because she is becoming a really warped tween. there is something messed up with most junior high kids being the worst type of people on the planet. so much ignorance.

only three more weeks until i probably move into my grandmother's old house with my brother. the only thing good about this other than that the house is really nice is that i'll have the internet to waste away with.

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-03-12T02:52:00

2005-03-11T19:48:47Z

it's almost the weekend, i hate weekends. and i dislike how days of the week are. when i was little each day had it's own specialness about them and now that i'm older they've lost that and just run into each other with no difference between them. just an endless mundaneness. and i just remembered how fridays used to be when i was in twelth grade. i had crushes on these two people in one of my english classes. it went back and forth between them throughout the year but i remember friday's as being the last day that i would get to see them or be around them until monday. i was too shy to even look at them but would on friday's because i wouldn't be able to until monday. they were both exchange students, not that i found them interesting for that reason, probably just that they were not bumpkin-ish rednecks. there were four exchange students in the class. two i had little slight crushes on, one was from japan and the other one was from germany. the two big crushes i had were on another person from germany and france, or austria i think. the one from germany hated being here, it probably was sad wanting to go to the u.s. and end up in a nowhere place in w.v. i think people who have exchange students live with them should be nice and not take them if they live in a nowhere place, lol. and i remember this one redneck person was hated that she didn't like being here and was a dumb patriotic idiot about it. i remember she always wore a little kind of scarf thing. and the other person i had a crush on, i used to sit behind her in the library when we had free-time where we could do nothing until the next period. i felt kind of bad for her because she had huge breasts, people would always look at her chest and it must have been incredibly annoying having people always looking at your breasts. and they probably hurt her back too since they were so large and she had a small body frame. i would probably get a breast reduction thing if those were mine because they would just be so difficult to have probably. and i wasn't attracted to her because of her breast-size, i feel uncomfortable with how people always assume that you like big breasts if you're a guy. and not that i'm reacting against that but smaller breasts do seem nicer. they seem more sensitive or something and just so beautiful for some reason. and back to my crush on her, she just seemed very interesting and nice. she had this dyed black short bob kind of hairdo and seemed like how some french women do, like with her demeanor in a way.

i need to get a crush. i used to always have someone to always be thinking about but don't anymore.

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-03-11T14:06:00

2005-03-10T19:07:49Z

i'm really starting to like nighttime a lot. i hate most of the day and feel really stressed and anxious and always feel good by the time it's nighttime because there is always a kind of dread with what i will have to deal with in the daytime but once that's over and the coast is clear. and i really look forward to it being nighttime because i go for walks at like two or three in the morning and it's so nice to walk around my little town. and it's going to snow tonight so it will be really nice. i walk for about an hour and really enjoy it. then after going for a walk i usually take a nice bath, then go to sleep finally. nighttime is the only thing i really have to look forward to since the rest of my day and stuff is boring.

and i am still on a reading frenzy. i love reading so much. i read like a book every three days. i just finished betty friedan's "it changed my life" and am halfway through another book of her's, "the second stage." and i still need to finish reading this book about people in france during wwII who buy castles to hide jewish kids in them from the nazis. it's really good but i picked up "it changed my life" and couldn't put it down.

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-03-10T14:33:00

2005-03-09T19:38:00Z

i always have things to post about but once i get to a computer my mind goes blank or it's about something in which it's like ten pages worth of ranting about something and i don't have the time to type for an hour or whatever.

i've been thinking about how nice it would be to have a child lately. but i would only like to have one if i were doing some type of job in which i'm not working like forty hours a week or more. i wish i could be a writer or something and could work from home to have the time. i used to think about how nice it would be to be in a relationship with someone and have a child but that doesn't seem likely since i can't really get along with people and live in the middle of nowhere where most people are too bumpkin-ish. and i would rather have a child by myself too in a way. because what if a relationship doesn't work out, and i could be totally content with just having a child and taking care of them. i'm always thinking about all the things you can do with a child, i would home-school them, visit museums, have books for them that i would like them to read. but i would probably adopt two children so they would not be by themselves without anyone their own age because i would kind of dread them hanging out with other kids, kids who are probably taught crappy ignorant things, so my child or children would probably be holed up in our house or something. maybe start a play-group with other parents who are not crappy people or something. and i would probably adopt but then i would end up adopting like a sixteen or seventeen year old because it bothers me with how people don't adopt older people, older as in anyone that is not a baby it seems and it's not really fair to other kids that need a home. so many other things to mention about this but it's already long enough.

movies!

2005-03-07T21:06:14Z

my family got this membership thing from blockbuster where you can rent three movies a day. so many movies lately. it's kind of nice but six hours worth of movies every night can be a bit annoying. i got saved though but haven't watched it yet.

and do not watch the movie "open water." just don't do it! and half-way through my brother was like "can we just fast forward it to see what happens?" and i said no, that i wanted to see the whole thing through and to see what happened at the end. such a bad mistake. lol

and i saw mean girls. mean girls was so good. so many good scenes in it. and i wish i had a couple friends like the main character's friends,in high school. i could have in college who reminded me of them a bit maybe, but i was too shy and came off snobby to people whenever they were friendly. a couple in particular i wish i was able to talk to them and stuff.

and today i filled two applications out for jobs. i dread this so much but when i do it, i feel a lot better and realize it's not that stressful.

and i'm dreading spring a bit. i like fall and winter because i like wearing long-sleeve shirts and hate wearing short-sleeved one's for some reason. mostly because i'm uncomfortable and awkward not wearing that much clothing and get really anxious in spring and summer for some reason.

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-03-05T14:09:00

2005-03-05T19:20:40Z

my favorite thing to do lately other than reading books is to go for a walk. i walk to the library almost every day and like going for a walk at nighttime even more, mostly because no one is around. except for people leaving bars.

i think i am going to move in with my brother in a month, into our grandmother's house. i doubt we'll get along that well but i'm going to just avoid him and stay in my room when i'm not working and there is a computer which is nice rather than using one at a libary. i really like my grandmother's house and it will be nice to finally move out of my parents house. also my brother will be so annoying that it will help me to move somewhere else once i have enough money saved.

also my step-father's aunt died last week. i never knew her and didn't get crap from anyone in my family to go because i'm not considered to be a part of that family. i do about closer relatives. my little brother almost had to go and the reason my step-father gave for why he had to was for respect. i've had three relatives die in the last year and i did not go to their funerals. i do not like going to funerals and how i deal with someone's death is a personal thing and it's annoying that i am pressured to go because it makes me or other family members look bad because of the dumb social norms about these things. i am tired of all the family crap. i don't even know any of my relatives and don't feel like i should have to just because of how people that i would have nothing to do with anyways, are connected. especially since most are rude and treated me like crap when i was younger and had to be around them. and my grandfather who died last september has my mother and her sister and sister-in-law fighting over the will. i knew they would be that way about it and it's so crappy. i hope i don't have anything when i die, for anyone to fight over. and i don't like knowing how my family members are treating each other over things like this, it's so depressing.

another sad day. day 49 of jennifer and brad breaking up. lol

2005-03-03T18:44:28Z

i've been reading so much lately. in the last week i've read three books. i never really had the time to read that many books while in school because of all the studying and stuff.

also the huge snowstorm has finally ended. we didn't get that much, about five or six inches even though it snowed for two and a half days non-stop. the only thing that really helped was the wind in creating snow drifts which were nice.

and a semi-continuation of my last post. i really cannot stand talking to people and am kind of glad i don't really bother with people. it seems incredibly difficult to find someone that you can have a conversation with in which you don't cringe every thirty seconds or so by what they are saying. i noticed this a lot also when traveling by greyhound a month and a half ago. i remember one person in front of me talking to someone about how canada is practically making it illegal to be christian there because they are allowing gay marriages, lol/really sad. and i rarely talk to anyone so i forget just how ignorant people can be. i remember talking to someone in one of my classes around the end of the semester and we were talking about how people are very judgemental and stuff and she mentioned how she doesn't judge people or how others do and gave some examples and one of them was about how people judge people who dye their hair. i was kind of surprised by that because i didn't know people still did that. so many people dye their hair that it's equivalent to people who wear pants. i remember some people did like ten years ago but thought people got over that by now.

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-03-01T14:58:00

2005-03-01T19:54:08Z

i had a dream last night and in it was this person i idiotically asked out last december. i don't know why she was in it and i'm still bothered by having a crush on her and asking her out. i get stupid crushes on people and sometimes i know nothing about them at all and just develop crushes on them from seeing them around. and she ended up being a yucky person. she called me and we talked for about an hour even though she said she wasn't interested. she was so ignorant and horrible. she didn't like me because of how i'm not buying into the male gender role crap which is kind of depressing. she was telling me about how there is a yin and yang thing about females and men that she prefers and so many other things that she was talking about just made her seem so gross. she was talking about how she hates black people. i couldn't believe that. i thought she was joking. she said it was because she was dating a black person a while ago and he just used her so now she hates all black people. i don't even like referring to people as black but since i'm talking to people about people who are perceived that way i have to.

that is the last time i get a crush on someone that i know nothing about, lol. i hate getting crushes on people. and i just feel like i have to ask them out just so they'll say they like me too or not and then i can stop thinking about them so much. and i'm bothered by missed opportunities in a way since you can meet someone and your life would be totally different or something if you didn't get involved with them so to not ask someone out would ruin how your life could have turned out if you just missed the person that might have been perfect for you. yuck, i have to stop thinking about this.

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-02-28T15:34:00

2005-02-28T20:19:10Z

it snowed last week and we got like four inches of snow. i forgot to write about it last week. and today and tomorrow we are getting between 6 to 12 inches of snow. it's going to be so nice. i love snow so much. it's one of the few things that makes me feel really, really happy for some reason. part of it is probably because i like things that change the monotony and mundaneness of daily routines of most days. and i like walking around my town when there's lots of snow. you can see everything with how it's illuminated in a really nice way. my younger siblings had school cancelled even though there was no snow this morning and it just started snowing around one o'clock. my town is kind of dumpy and ghetto-ish but it looks really nice with snow and when it's autumn, especially when it's time for halloween.

and i got a really, really, really good book friday. it was so good i read the whole thing over the weekend. it's called "the silent twins" by marjorie wallace and is so great. it's about these twin sisters who kind of created their own little world within themselves, in their bedroom that they rarely left until they got a little older. they totally stopped talking to adults and rarely anyone else, even their two older siblings who they've never said a word to. they had a really interesting love/hate relationship with one another and were totally connected to one another. they would even move the same exact way with their bodies and they wanted to stop being stuck together and live their own lives but they couldn't because of their incredible shyness and lack of confidence and were so stuck in relying on one another. they ended up getting sent to a mental hospital after they went on an arson rampage one summer. it was such a good book. and i have to go see if there is anything about them online because i'm wondering what has happened to them since then. the book was published a few years after they were sent to the hospital and they are in their mid-forties by now.

wow. i just got back from googling them and after being in the mental hospital for eleven years they decided one of them must die for the other to live their life. they argued over who it should be and while they were being transported to another place one of them just died and their not sure how exactly. and ten years after that the other sister is said to have a normal life now and is happier but she still hasn't changed from the view earlier that one of them still had to die. so warped. http://www.guardian.co.uk/iran/story/0,12858,997276,00.html

i doubt anyone is interested in this but it's so peculiar and interesting to me.

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-02-25T15:37:00

2005-02-25T20:36:52Z

i guess i'm not selling my micro-korg. i put it back up on craigs list and only got four people wanting to buy it but they are doing a cashier's check scam. kind of obvious when all four of them have the same exact thing written about sending me a check for $3,000 dollars (kind of another giveaway) and for me to send the remaining amount back to someone else who they are buying it for.

and my mother has been sick for the last three days. she has a really bad case of the flu, i think the pope gave it to her and has been in bed the entire time. i am taking care of things around the house though. which means i am cleaning up after my little brother and sister because they refuse to pick up after themselves and cleaning the dishes and laundry and stuff. my mother totally buys into all that crap about being a totally subordinate mother/housewife and is treated like crap by her husband and her younger children. it's so annoying. my little brother won't even clean up any of his things because he thinks it's beneath him or something and that my mother should. and my little sister is buying into that crap too which is depressing. at least she finally stopped doing the dishes. she used to act like that was her god-given job or something and has only stopped in the last year because they have a dish-washing machine now. i'm so glad it's at least not like 1952 or she would probably be majoring in home-ec once she gets to college. and i stick up for her whenever anyone in the family is shoving that garbage down her throat but it's a bit difficult now that she hasn't really said a word to me in like two years and i'm not even around her that much because of it.

and the library is closing now. :(

birdy_snowdrop @ 2005-02-23T14:52:00

2005-02-23T19:50:25Z

things i need to do:

find out where i want to move to.

dye my hair again. i hate how the dye just goes away over time. i dyed my hair black like five weeks ago and it was nice, there was a little tint of blue in it which i liked and i like how black dye is shiny but now my hair is basically back to brown again. i need to find dye that actually stays in your hair.

sell my micr-korg. people are so unbelievably unreliable when selling something over the internet. there was this person who was interested in buying it but they were being really annoying with not actually sending me a money order and so i sent a kind of rude email saying that you shouldn't say you are interested in buying something if you're actually not and they said they sent me the money order the day before but two weeks later i hadn't gotten it yet and sent him an email asking if he actually sent it when he said he did and of course haven't gotten an email back from him yet. and it has been like five weeks since he first said he was interested in buying it.

and i was looking through a few old yearbooks from the early seventies that i found in a bookstore a couple years ago and am so fascinated with them and want to start collecting them. they are so interesting. what's funny is all three belonged to someone and i found out who they belonged to. people wrote "to georgia" with whatever they wrote so i was curious who they belonged to and searched for the name in the yearbooks and in two yearbooks her photo isn't even in it with her class but then one had the name georgia and the dead giveaway was that she used a blue pen and scratched out her face with it. lol, i wonder how many people do that with their yearbooks. i never got any yearbooks when i was in school. and actually got out of getting my picture taken for the first two. i hate having my picture taken. i get so uncomfortable.